Thursday, August 5, 2010

Commercial break for...INSTA-BLACK!

What most of you don't realize is that all the funding that is required to run my blog is paid by my sponsor, Blammo Industries. With that being said, it's time for a commercial break. If you want a serious blog, try coming back next time.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Blammo Industries, the same company that brought you the world famous mind meld cap, the hat that you can give to complete strangers and make them think, talk, and act just like you, is back with a brand new invention that's sure to please....INSTA BLACK!

Black people, are you tired of being harassed by the black police because they tell you that you're just "not Black enough"? Are there white people at your job that are more "down" with the brothers than you are? Do you get teased because you take the time to properly enunciate your words correctly or because you know what enunciate means? Are you tired of not being able to know the proper context in which to use "youknowwhatimsayin'" and are you mad that you STILL don't know how to make it rain because you don't party like a rock star? Then it's time for INSTA BLACK! What is INSTA BLACK? INSTA BLACK is a pill that if taken 3 times a day , in just 72 hours we guarantee that you will not only look blacker, but feel AND act blacker too! Don't just take our word for it though....

Hello, my name is Pernell Washington, and I'm a lawyer in the beautiful city of Baltimore. I graduated with a master's from a historically black university, I cheerfully give to the United Negro College Fund, and I am an active member of my local NAACP, yet in spite of my attempts to better my community, the black police tagged me as being too "White". So I tried INSTA BLACK and in just 3 days, my whole life has changed. My suits used to come from designer malls, but now I buy all of my outfits from Bishop Magic Don Juan's boutique and now my name is Big Things. Because you know when Big Things is popping, little things are stopping. I have a gang of bitches I call the Rainbow Coalition because if you want Black, White, Chinese, short or tall, Big Things has them all! Thank you for pimpifying me INSTA BLACK! Chuch!

Hi, my name is Carol Sutherland and I am sick and tired! I have a wonderful job as an engineer in what is considered a "man's" field. I drive a 2009 BMW 745 and I live in a beautiful 3 bedroom house that I've already paid for. I'm sick and tired because the brothers in my city are scared as hell of a successful Black woman that makes more than them. I see a lot of their tired asses chasing after ghetto hood rats so I decided to try INSTA BLACK. Now the same niggas that used to run from me, can't get enough of me. Now, I've got Tyrell, Darnell, Tyrone, and Micheal all blowing up my phone and paying my bills and you know what they have...nothing but hope. What they want, they can't have, but I take all that they have. Thank you INSTA BLACK!

Greetings my fellow Americans. My name is Barack Obama and I am your President. I always thought that if I stuck to the issues that concern us as a nation and hold fast to the truth, that would be enough for this nation, but the polls and the black police have shown me that I'm just not black enough. So I tried new INSTA BLACK and I decided that my name was given to me out of hatred for the color of my skin by the White man. So I have changed my name to Barack X. Salam Aleikum my brothers and sisters and thank you INSTA BLACK!

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