The dangers of outgrowing yourself

"Don't get too grown for your britches." As a kid, I heard that line from my parents a lot, but I didn't quite understand it. Their words never really sank in through my "hard head" until I was an adult, and to this day, I still have to recall this bit of wisdom in certain times. Back then, it wasn't just my parents that drilled me with this truth because my neighbors and every other adult who cared made sure to let me know. In my opinion, one of the biggest problems that I'm seeing in today's world is that most of us are so focused on ourselves instead of others that we're starting to outgrow our own "britches" and our selfishness and conceit is slowly destroying the things we are trying to build.

Granted, most people, especially self absorbed people, never want to hear that their own egos are hurting them. There is no better example of this self-destructive behavior than the "self-made" man or woman. Just the term "self-made" gives me visions of a grown person throwing a tantrum about what they've built, what they've done, the success they've had, what they're not going to do, and if someone doesn't like what they're saying, they're willing to "take their ball and go home". The "self-made" people are quick to "toot their own horn" while successfully ignoring and denying the contributions of every other person beside and behind them that helped push them to success.

The "self-made" attitude only leads to an unfortunate and unnecessary outcome...solitude. See, alone time is great to get away from the maddening crowd and recharging your batteries, but solitude is putting yourself on an island away from anyone who could help you. A tree needs the sun, water, dirt, and carbon dioxide to live and to grow. If you take away one of those elements, the tree will ultimately die, and just like a tree, the more people you take away from one person, the less chance they have to grow, until they face an inevitable end...death. Even if that death is just in the figurative sense, the dreams, desire, and future success of the "self-made" individual die without people watering and illuminating them.

One thing that is almost as cancerous to success as abandoning outside assistance is having the wrong kind of people around you. No person is right 100% of the time, but if you are surrounded with the kind of people that put you on a pedestal, and acquiesce to your every word, then your growth is again stunted. When a tree is growing in an undesired way, it becomes necessary to prune the tree so that it can properly grow. And in the same fashion, when our words or actions are detrimental to our desired outcome we need people around us who are willing to "prune" or talk to us to let us know that we're straying off course. These yes men aren't willing to do that for us which can only lead to wild and overgrown egos.

The last problem that can only destroy us is that in our pursuit to become a better version of ourselves, we become people that are foreign to everyone that knows us. Self-improvement is a great and necessary thing, but in a world of plastic surgery and fake personas, many of us do anything we can to be someone we're not. Speaking from my own experience, I've tried to create images of myself that I thought others wanted to see, and I've even gone so far as to create an entirely different life than my own online. I eventually had to come to the sober truth that living lies and running from who you are only causes you to lose yourself. The more time you spend trying to reinvent yourself, the more time you'll spend trying to "get in touch" with this new you. You were born with an unique personality and you were raised in a certain environment; and since this can never be changed, instead of reinvention, seek to improve yourself.

My testimony & the 2011 New Hope Summer revival

Wednesday through Friday night of this week, my church has had a revival and I feel moved to talk about it. The title of the sermon on Wednesday was "Their eyes were watching God", Thursday's sermon title was "Waiting without worrying" and tonight's sermon was titled, "I got the victory".

All three nights dealt with 2 Chronicles chapter 20. In this chapter, Jehoshaphat, the king of Judah learned that 3 nations(the Moabites, the Ammonites, and others beside the Amonites) were coming against him to battle him. After finding out about this, Jehoshaphat gathered all the people of Judah in the house of the Lord to fast and to pray together to ask the Lord what they needed to do in the midst of this impending battle.

After they prayed and waited on God, the spirit of the Lord fell upon Jahaziel, and the Lord spoke through Jahaziel, "Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not your's, but God's." In verse 17, still speaking through Jahaziel, God says, "Ye shall not need to fight in this battle: set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the Lord with you, O Judah and Jerusalem: fear not, nor be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them: for the Lord will be with you."

The words alone from the Bible are enough to make me happy about the power of God, but the preacher spiritually set the church on fire Wednesday through Friday, and by Friday night, a few were slain in the Spirit. I know I'm not doing this revival justice because the true power and gift of God's word was being in the sanctuary listening to this revival. One point that really stuck in my head from tonight's message was an anecdote. The preacher talked about a new phone system in his church and on the phones, there's a button labeled "ICM callback". Whenever the preacher calls another line in another office of the church and that line is busy, all he has to do is press "ICM callback" and the phone will keep calling that line until there's an answer. Bringing it around to us and God, whenever we pray to God and we don't get an answer to our prayers, we can keep praying until we get an answer from Him.

Now, on to my testimony. In 1995, my dad passed. There are 2 reasons I had to smile at his funeral. One, he had the chance to see me go to college, and two, some of the last words I said to him was, "I love you." To this day, I still think about him, but I've been blessed to have good men in my church and the father of a best friend, to be in my life, and these are men that I love and respect like a father.

Then, in 1997, I was in a single car collision (that I caused) that was so bad that you couldn't tell the front of the car from the back of the car. I was knocked unconscious and life-flighted to a nearby hospital. After I awoke hours later, the doctor told me that I came to the hospital looking like I had been scalped by an Indian. I really had been busted till the white meat in my head was showing. But by the grace of God, and the prayers of many family members and friends, I'm alive and I'm smiling.

There's also been 2 occasions where my mom has been in the hospital for a serious medical issue. The last time was a couple of months ago, and it was so bad that she actually said to me, "I don't want to live anymore." These aren't words you want to hear from anyone you love, but the first thing I did on this occasion is the same thing I've done in most situations I'm not equipped to handle, I prayed(hard). And just like every other situation, God came through with an answer, and I'm happy to say that my mom is back on her feet, and doing almost all of the same things she was doing before. Driving is the only thing she isn't doing yet, and that's only because I want her to take her time before she starts again.

I say all of this to say that when I was growing up, I used to watch the people in the church clap their hands, shout, cry, dance, or run up and down the aisles, and I would wonder, "What got into them?". After all the things I've been through and everything I've seen, I've changed my tune. Nowadays, I look at the people who are sitting in church stone silent, and I wonder, "Maybe the word hasn't hit them like it's hitting everybody else, and maybe they haven't been given a reason to praise God yet." But all I know is that after all the reasons I've been given to praise God, I want to share my testimony just to let you know that He's still performing miracles on a daily basis.

A Shout Out to Whuppings!

First of all, I would like to thank God, my parents, & a suspended high school coach in Mississippi named Marlon Dorsey. I would also like to thank the first mom that used a branch from a tree, a belt, a house shoe, or a hot wheel track to initiate corporal punishment to some little bad kid that deserved it.

I remember the first time and last time I got whipped as a kid. I don't remember why I got whipped the first time, but I remember crying...hard. I remember that I "hated" my parents for whipping me. I felt like I had been abused. The very last time I got whipped, I was a teenager. I had been in the parking lot of my mom's middle school and I was jumping over the hood of my parent's car a couple of times. One of my mom's coworkers saw me and told my mom. When my parents got me home, they questioned me about what I had done. I remember thinking to myself as my dad pulled off his belt, "I know he's not going to whip me. I'm a teenager!" I got my teenage butt whipped that day.

Instances like these, made me dislike my parents, but that dislike was temporary. At the time, I didn't understand what they were doing, but now, I couldn't be happier that they did it. No (good) parent wants to spank, whip, or beat their kids, but talking, nagging, and time outs only go so far, and there's not always a big chance for reasoning with kids especially when they want to have their way. But (good) parents know that the longer bad behavior goes unpunished, the worse the behavior will become.

I'm beyond sick and tired of liberal minded "forward thinking" adults and coddling parents who feel that whuppings are indecent, offensive, and unnecessary. These are the same people that will bemoan the overcrowded jails and the crime rate. When I got too far out of line, my parents whipped me. Because of that, I love and respect them more because they didn't try to be my "friend". Friends don't whip friends and parents aren't supposed to be friends with their kids.

The bottom line is because of what my parents did for me, they made me understand that my actions have consequences so it's best for me to pick the right actions to take. And this understanding kept me away from doing the wrong thing which is why I know better now as a grown man.

SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE PARENTS THAT STILL BELIEVE IN WHUPPINGS!

You done messed up

We are all capable of great and wonderful things, and in our lifetimes, many of us are able to achieve those things. Even with our capability for goodness, there's one thing that none of us can escape. We are all human, and therefore, we are all also capable of messing up.

Now when I say that we are capable of messing up, it's not a cop-out or an excuse for anyone to do wrong. What this means is that if we gave in to our body's desires and whims, then we would quickly and easily mess up. I can't count how many times I've personally screwed up, but I can honestly say that every time I did, I was never forced into the wrongdoing. It's always in our control to do the right thing or fall for the wrong...remember that.

The main reason I came up with this blog is because of something I read. There was a rich and powerful man who had the best of everything and beautiful women all over him. One night, he saw this gorgeous woman and he found out who she was and he found out she was married. He didn't let marriage stop him because he sent his hired help to tell her to come to his house, and when she did, he slept with her and got her pregnant. So he came up with a plan of sending her husband to the front line of a war, and her husband was killed. After that, this rich man married the woman. I can't begin to describe how many ways this man messed up.

The story I'm talking about is the story of David, but here's the kicker...David was so wrapped up in how good his wrongdoing felt that he didn't even realize he was doing wrong. God ended up sending someone to him to tell him that he slipped up and messed up. That's just how warped we get when we get caught up in the wrong thing. We lose sight of the fact that we're doing wrong, and I can recall several occasions where someone else had to tell me that I was in the wrong. Of course, the first thing I did was get upset, and I've also said, "Who are you to judge me? You ain't perfect!".

No, there is no one among us that's perfect, but if your first thought when someone tells you that you messed up is to get angry, you need to pause. Think about what they said, and why they said it. Sometimes, people will try to call you out on something just because they don't like you. But there are also times that people will tell you, "You done messed up." because they actually care enough about you to fill you in when you're clueless about how badly you're slipping up.

And when you realize what you've done wrong, "I'm sorry" is the first thing you need to say to the ones you've wronged. Just remember that it's always easier to tell yourself "No!" when it comes to doing something that you know is wrong than having to humble yourself and apologizing for the wrong that you allowed yourself to do. And if you ever need a visual reminder of what happens when you slip up, check out 2 Samuel 12:1-12. It's a lot easier to read someone else's consequences than to have to face your own.

Collaboration makes money, collaborating makes sense

Collaboration(n.) - The act of working together or cooperating to achieve a common interest or goal.

ACCESS TO OPPORTUNITY

A friend mentioned that phrase to me recently, and she's dead on. This is the thing that people live for, die for, and some even plot and connive for. Just for the chance to have an opportunity. I mention this now because I have learned through ups and downs that the access to the opportunity that we seek is 10,000 times easier when we work together.

First and foremost, for any sports fan, name one championship team(NFL, NBA, MLB or otherwise). Now name one championship team that won by only having one player on the field or on the court. No matter how long you think about it, you can't name one because every winning team has reached the top because individuals were willing to collaborate for the sake of becoming a championship team.

Secondly, in 2009, Bill Gates held a super moguls secret summit in New York. Oprah was there, Warren Buffett, Michael Bloomberg, Ted Turner and many other billionaires came together to discuss common interests and work towards common goals. In 2010, Bill Gates hosted a CEO summit in Seattle which included guests like Dana White and U.S. Treasury Secretary, Timothy Geithner. So my question to you is if these wealthy athletes and high powered moguls know enough about the power of teamwork to collaborate, why don't you do the same?

Don't let anyone fool you, but the days of the "self-made" individual are done! The people who get ahead get there because a group or army of individuals are behind them pushing them forward. Some people would rather work on their own, others feel that working in a group is a waste of time and then there are those that would rather cut down, discriminate, or simply hate other individuals instead of working with them. Some of these people can be helped while others are doomed to keep the attitudes that will do nothing but hold them back as the rest of the world progresses.

The bottom line is that with collaboration...we all get ahead faster.

How to get ANY man you want

Ladies, I'm no dating or relationship expert, but I just learned something startling and quite possibly earth shattering, that you all need to know. But first, a little disclaimer...

To my fellow brothers in arms...I am not about to break any part of the man code, but what I am doing is revealing truth to bring about understanding. The more understanding there is between men and women, the chance for drama becomes less likely.

With that said, ladies there is but one rule and one rule only that you need to know and use in order to get any and I mean ANY man that you want:

SET STANDARDS AND LIVE BY THEM!

Wait, now sit down...breathe, and take a minute to let that sink in. This is the great "secret" in order to get the man of your dreams. When I say standards, I'm talking about your rules, your principles, and everything you will accept and the things you refuse to live without. Now for the single women who say that they already do this yet are still "man-less", there's one of two reasons why.

The first reason you'd still be "man-less" is because you concede your standards. For the women who want a man to open doors for them, pull out their chair for them, and pay for at least the first real date(and bowling and McDonald's isn't really a date), then you have every right to demand these as standards for yourself. So the first thing you need to do with your standard is tell your girlfriend. Once you do that, tell your men friends, and then tell the next guy you meet, and then the next guy, and tell everyone that you know until you've told everyone your standards. But if you go out with a man that doesn't pay for the date, you've yielded one of your standards. If you go out with a man that walks out in front of you and then lets the door almost hit you because he's not holding it for you, then you're not living up to your own standards. STOP IT!

I'll be honest ladies...I'm writing this for one reason and one reason alone. I called a woman who has a standard that she doesn't accept calls from men after dark, and here's the kicker...I respect her wishes because it's the standard that she set from the beginning. Now I don't expect anything from this woman except conversation and maybe an option for a future date, but she has a personal rule that any man she talks to has to follow or else she doesn't talk to him. Ladies, it's that simple! If you want a man to treat you a certain way, then accept nothing less than that treatment and you will get it! Don't bend, don't give in, and don't break because when you do, you will be treated however the man chooses to treat you. Not only this, but I can honestly say that if you allow a man to break your rules, the man will lose a little bit of respect for you and won't respect any future rules you try to make.

This is the way to get any man that you want ladies, but there's one other reason that you might be "man-less". The more specific you are with your standards, the more unspecified the time will be before you get what you want. In other words, if you want a tall, light skinned man with six pack abs, and a six figure savings account who drives a BMW 745 and has at least one vacation home, you can get this man. The only thing is that you'll have to be willing to take the time for a man like this to be available to come to you. That's the last thing I want to say ladies. Don't chase us, we'll chase you because if you're chasing us and we're not stopping...it's either because we're not interested or you're breaking your standards. Either way, stop hunting and just become the hunted, but be the hunted that keeps standards.

I can't STAND dopeheads!

dopehead(n.) - A drug ADDICT.

No, I can't stand dopeheads and no matter how anyone will ever try to justify things, there are dopeheads in baseball, dopeheads on the track, and from what I've heard today, dopeheads are riding bikes and catching balls too. I can't stand the lot of you! I'm not jealous because of what you have, but my anger towards you is based on what you're screwing up.

First off, 90% of the athletes that take to the field and take to the court have been blessed with a particular talent that not everyone has. It is this talent that gives you the ability to play the game, but if you want to win on a consistent basis, you have to train, practice, and in sports like football, you have to study! Raw talent is nothing without work and effort. You dopeheads feel that you can get away with doing things halfway if you take a little HGH. You are robbing yourself of the chance to see if you can actually hang with those who are younger and/or hungrier than you are. If the guy on the opposite team isn't juicing, then what gives you the right to have an unfair advantage? Work like your teammates do!

Now dopehead, think about the health risks. Yes male dopeheads, we know that steroids will shrink your balls, make you more aggressive, and could give you breasts. I'm not going to google what HGH does for you female dopeheads because I know about the unmentioned health risks. All those times when you bang your fist on the table and you scream, "I have NEVER used steroids and I don't appreciate being accused of it either.", you're lying to yourself and us, plus you're taking years off your life. All that anxiety, tension, and nervousness that you feel as people investigate whether you're telling the truth or not...it's unnecessary. The truth will come out...the truth always comes out. Save yourself the headache and the possible ulcer and just be honest. On top of that, think about your family dopehead. They don't need the headache of watching the family name being dragged over the coals while you keep pretending you didn't shoot up.

There are so many more reasons I can give for stomaching what you're doing dopeheads, but I want to call out one of you right now. FLOYD LANDIS! It's not bad enough that you vehemently denied using only to have to swallow your lie, but now you want to be a rat too?! You want to say that Lance Armstrong is a dopehead too? There's a problem with your accusation Floyd. First, I know I'm not the only one who doesn't believe that Armstrong used, but if he did, I would think lesser of you than I would of him because you're only telling on someone else because you got caught? Are you 5?!

Even if Armstrong used, he's a source of inspiration that you'll never be. We all know that Armstrong had stage 3 testicular cancer that spread to his lungs and brain, but by the grace of God, some skilled surgeons, and a kind of testicular fortitude you could only hope to have, he not only went back to racing, but he won 7 back to back tours. Floyd, you have been accused and proven to be a dopehead, so accept your status and your consequence, but don't try to take someone else down with you as well.

Second life

My name is Garrett Rogers, and I've already died once. I have lied, cheated, and misused people. I've burned almost as many bridges as I've made, and some of those bridges will never be under construction again. I was told by my doctor that I have a big heart, and in this case, I'm not talking about the giving kind of heart. My doctor told me I had an enlarged heart, but it wasn't because of genetics; it was because I ate cake, burgers, pizza, and drank Dr. Pepper like the government was going to ban junk food the next day. Yet, in spite of giving in to my vices, my fears, and my prejudices...I still live.

I don't live because of my sin or bad habits, but I live in spite of them for two reasons...grace and choices. I'm saying that God has been graceful to give me a chance to see the sun rise for 33 years, and even if you don't share my belief, you have to know that your alarm clock isn't the only reason you wake up. My choices also keep me alive because rather than live the same life I have lived, I've chosen to change all that was negative and wrong with me. So that meant cutting out the Dr. Pepper, and eating a salad every now and then, but I didn't give up all of my junk food though. I also had to walk away from the people or things from my past life of wrong. It's not that they were wrong and everything I used to do wasn't bad, but I make the choices I make to make sure that I don't go back to a life that would entice me to do wrong or is wrong for me.

I don't write these words for condemnation, sympathy or even understanding, but I write these words to be an example and a voice. I want others to see the life that I used to live and then see the consequences I faced for living that life, and once you see the before, pay attention to the after. I'll tell you what I did and then you can see what I'm doing. Every day I strive to find a way to improve my life and to improve the lives of others because I am given a second life and I want to live this life for good.

The bottom line is that if you are alive to read this right now, do right by your self and do right by others. Trust me when I say that the rewards will be 1,000 times better than if you chose to do wrong.

Your self-image is all you have

OTHERS CAN ONLY SEE YOU AS YOU SEE YOURSELF

That's the main point of this blog and I want you to think about it for a minute. Our "self-image" is how we see ourselves and it's this idea of ourselves that other people base their opinions of us on. Some of you may say that other people will base their opinions of us based on their friend's opinion or from gossip. Even then, their friends are judging us by our self-image above anything else. Plus, no matter what rumors are spread about us, if we aren't doing the things or acting in the way that we're rumored to, then the rumors cease to exist as the truth comes out.

I'd like to explain this in the simplest terms possible. If you see yourself as a smart person then you will act the way smart people do, you will do the things smart people do, and you will say the things smart people would say. When other people see you, observe you, and listen to what you say, they will feel you are a smart person. It's not about just "thinking" you're a certain type of person, but once you think on it, you will say you're this type, you will act like this type and you will live like the type of person you think you are. If I sound like I'm repeating myself, I am. I'm repeating myself because we have to keep repeating the same behavior, first to ourselves, and then to others and that's the only way we are who we think we are.

I remember my mom saying, "You are what you answer to." and mom couldn't be any more right. So think carefully about who you want to be and then be that person no matter who says otherwise because the proof of who you really are is in your self-image and your actions.