The dangers of outgrowing yourself

"Don't get too grown for your britches." As a kid, I heard that line from my parents a lot, but I didn't quite understand it. Their words never really sank in through my "hard head" until I was an adult, and to this day, I still have to recall this bit of wisdom in certain times. Back then, it wasn't just my parents that drilled me with this truth because my neighbors and every other adult who cared made sure to let me know. In my opinion, one of the biggest problems that I'm seeing in today's world is that most of us are so focused on ourselves instead of others that we're starting to outgrow our own "britches" and our selfishness and conceit is slowly destroying the things we are trying to build.

Granted, most people, especially self absorbed people, never want to hear that their own egos are hurting them. There is no better example of this self-destructive behavior than the "self-made" man or woman. Just the term "self-made" gives me visions of a grown person throwing a tantrum about what they've built, what they've done, the success they've had, what they're not going to do, and if someone doesn't like what they're saying, they're willing to "take their ball and go home". The "self-made" people are quick to "toot their own horn" while successfully ignoring and denying the contributions of every other person beside and behind them that helped push them to success.

The "self-made" attitude only leads to an unfortunate and unnecessary outcome...solitude. See, alone time is great to get away from the maddening crowd and recharging your batteries, but solitude is putting yourself on an island away from anyone who could help you. A tree needs the sun, water, dirt, and carbon dioxide to live and to grow. If you take away one of those elements, the tree will ultimately die, and just like a tree, the more people you take away from one person, the less chance they have to grow, until they face an inevitable end...death. Even if that death is just in the figurative sense, the dreams, desire, and future success of the "self-made" individual die without people watering and illuminating them.

One thing that is almost as cancerous to success as abandoning outside assistance is having the wrong kind of people around you. No person is right 100% of the time, but if you are surrounded with the kind of people that put you on a pedestal, and acquiesce to your every word, then your growth is again stunted. When a tree is growing in an undesired way, it becomes necessary to prune the tree so that it can properly grow. And in the same fashion, when our words or actions are detrimental to our desired outcome we need people around us who are willing to "prune" or talk to us to let us know that we're straying off course. These yes men aren't willing to do that for us which can only lead to wild and overgrown egos.

The last problem that can only destroy us is that in our pursuit to become a better version of ourselves, we become people that are foreign to everyone that knows us. Self-improvement is a great and necessary thing, but in a world of plastic surgery and fake personas, many of us do anything we can to be someone we're not. Speaking from my own experience, I've tried to create images of myself that I thought others wanted to see, and I've even gone so far as to create an entirely different life than my own online. I eventually had to come to the sober truth that living lies and running from who you are only causes you to lose yourself. The more time you spend trying to reinvent yourself, the more time you'll spend trying to "get in touch" with this new you. You were born with an unique personality and you were raised in a certain environment; and since this can never be changed, instead of reinvention, seek to improve yourself.

Everybody wants honesty, but how many of us want truth?

There are two things I need to say in beginning this:

1) I will never say that I am faultless or perfect, but I am a constant work in progress that is striving for righteousness.

2) There is a difference between honesty and truth.

Honesty is the correct yes or no answer to any question you want to know the answer to, but truth is the answer to anything you need to know, but never knew to ask. Honesty is a flashlight that casts away the darkness of the lies that are right in front of our face while truth is a blinding light that takes any shadow of a lie that is all around us.

In talking to people and hearing how others handle situations and their daily lives, I can fathom that we all want to receive honesty and most of us try to be honest. When our parents, family, significant others, friends, or anyone else talks to us, we generally and genuinely want them to be honest with us. If we ever find out that those we are dependent on for honesty lie to us, we actually get hurt, upset, or at the very least...disappointed. But this is the extent of honesty; it can only be directed directly at us or we can only give it to others.

The truth, however, is far reaching. In other words, the people in Australia see the same sun that the people in Utah see and the truth is the same and just as relevant whether it's discovered in Mexico, Nigeria, Pakistan or China. The biggest difference between the truth and honesty is how we handle it and how we relate to it.

When someone is honest with us, even if the honesty hurts, we eventually deal with it. We deal with it because the honesty is something that we wanted to know about, and it's always a little easier to swallow what you asked for in the first place. On the other hand, when we find out about the truth, there's an entirely different spectrum of possible feelings. The first thing most of us do is to deny what we've been given is the truth. Many times, we don't want to believe it which can also lead us to being angry about the truth or even wanting to "shoot the messenger" just for giving us the truth.

I believe that(and this is my opinion) we deny the truth and we get angry about the truth because we know that once it's brought to our attention, things are never the same afterwards. Granted, some of us ignore what we've learned and try to go back to living the lie we knew before the truth was presented to us. But no matter how hard we try to go back to the ignorant lie, and no matter how hard we try to forget the truth, we're still responsible and held accountable for the truth. Don't believe me? When your parents told you what right and wrong was, did they hold you accountable anytime you ignored them and did wrong? For those of us who have cars, most of them can go over 100 m.p.h., but if we ignore enough speed limit signs, what happens to us?

I write this not only to give the difference between honesty and truth, but to also urge anyone who reads this to always seek the truth. I know the truth isn't always pretty and it isn't always what we want to know, but it is always what we need to know and "the truth shall set you free". Free from living the lies we did or didn't know we were living, free from having to worry about covering up the truth because we'd be living proof of it, and free from the suspecting eyes of others because no matter how hard anyone else could try, they would have nothing on us because we would be walking in truth.

Asking for a spot does NOT mean I want you to work out with me

Just to state for record's sake, I don't go to the gym to:

1) Dress in the latest sports attire and model for everyone
2) Flirt with the women
3) Talk to everybody instead of working out

With that being said, I do go to the gym because I want to stay in good physical condition while eating whatever I please and I want to get stronger than I already am. The keywords there are "stronger than I already am". This means that I have limits and weaknesses that I'm trying to overcome, but I can only do that by pushing myself to those limits.

Just to make sense of this, when I ask someone for a spot in the gym, I am asking for someone to assist me. If I am on the bench press, that may mean "breaking" the weight by removing it from the bar, and then watching me to make sure that I don't let the bar loaded with weight crush my chest. That's it! I don't ask for a spot so the person can do the exact opposite of what I do and can get a workout in too.

When I'm on the bench press, I don't want the person spotting me to pull the bar up as I'm trying to push it up. Why? Because if someone else is pulling all the weight, what kind of workout am I getting and if someone else is doing all the work, then I'm not getting any stronger.

You may or may not be into fitness, but I hope this point hits home for you...if someone else is doing all the work for you or taking the "weight" of the world off your shoulders, then not only are you living a sheltered life, but you're also not getting stronger. So when that "spotter" or that "yes" man isn't around anymore, an actual problem will crush your weak self. Just remember that it's always good to ask for assistance, but never ask for a crutch.

You done messed up

We are all capable of great and wonderful things, and in our lifetimes, many of us are able to achieve those things. Even with our capability for goodness, there's one thing that none of us can escape. We are all human, and therefore, we are all also capable of messing up.

Now when I say that we are capable of messing up, it's not a cop-out or an excuse for anyone to do wrong. What this means is that if we gave in to our body's desires and whims, then we would quickly and easily mess up. I can't count how many times I've personally screwed up, but I can honestly say that every time I did, I was never forced into the wrongdoing. It's always in our control to do the right thing or fall for the wrong...remember that.

The main reason I came up with this blog is because of something I read. There was a rich and powerful man who had the best of everything and beautiful women all over him. One night, he saw this gorgeous woman and he found out who she was and he found out she was married. He didn't let marriage stop him because he sent his hired help to tell her to come to his house, and when she did, he slept with her and got her pregnant. So he came up with a plan of sending her husband to the front line of a war, and her husband was killed. After that, this rich man married the woman. I can't begin to describe how many ways this man messed up.

The story I'm talking about is the story of David, but here's the kicker...David was so wrapped up in how good his wrongdoing felt that he didn't even realize he was doing wrong. God ended up sending someone to him to tell him that he slipped up and messed up. That's just how warped we get when we get caught up in the wrong thing. We lose sight of the fact that we're doing wrong, and I can recall several occasions where someone else had to tell me that I was in the wrong. Of course, the first thing I did was get upset, and I've also said, "Who are you to judge me? You ain't perfect!".

No, there is no one among us that's perfect, but if your first thought when someone tells you that you messed up is to get angry, you need to pause. Think about what they said, and why they said it. Sometimes, people will try to call you out on something just because they don't like you. But there are also times that people will tell you, "You done messed up." because they actually care enough about you to fill you in when you're clueless about how badly you're slipping up.

And when you realize what you've done wrong, "I'm sorry" is the first thing you need to say to the ones you've wronged. Just remember that it's always easier to tell yourself "No!" when it comes to doing something that you know is wrong than having to humble yourself and apologizing for the wrong that you allowed yourself to do. And if you ever need a visual reminder of what happens when you slip up, check out 2 Samuel 12:1-12. It's a lot easier to read someone else's consequences than to have to face your own.

Talented Ink Vs. The Iced Out Kid

YOU ROCKED OUT, YOU ICED OUT

BUT I'M ABOUT TO CUT THE LIGHTS OUT

GAME'S OVER, SCHOOL'S IN SESSION

THIS TEACHER'S BRINGING THE FIRST LESSON

YOU ROLLING ON DUBS WITH A MIND FULL OF NOTHING

BUT IT'S HIGH TIME SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING

YOU LISTEN TO KANYE AND RICK ROSS RHYME

BUT FOR KNOWLEDGE WON'T SPARE A DIME

I SPIT FIRE ON YOU FOR WEARING ICE

LISTEN TO MY WORDS BECAUSE I WON'T SAY THEM TWICE

I USE NOUNS, ADJECTIVES AND ADVERBS

FOR SORRY SUCKERS GETTING ON MY NERVES

STEADILY SCREAMING OUT "HATERATION"

WHILE YOU'RE DUMBING DOWN AN ENTIRE NATION

I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE, MY MIND'S OFF VACATION

SO SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP

AS THESE LYRICS I CUT UP

THOSE GUYS HAVE MILLION DOLLAR DEALS

FOR MAKING YOUR DUMBASS BUY GRILLS

OPEN A BOOK, READ, AND THEN LEARN

INSTEAD OF ACTING LIKE YOU HAVE MONEY TO BURN

IGNORANCE ISN'T BLISS

IF MY WORDS YOU MISS

ON THE WRONG THINGS YOU GIVE RELIANCE

SO IT'S ONLY RIGHT I DROP SWEET SCIENCE

I ONLY SAY THESE WORDS BECAUSE I GIVE A DAMN

"AM I MY BROTHER'S KEEPER..."

"YES I AM!"